It’s Father’s Day this weekend. How do we help our kids to share their feelings with the important men in their life? We give power tools, and fishing poles. We monogram coffee or beer mugs. But, what is the most lasting way we can help our kids communicate how important the men in their lives are to them?
Our culture is somewhat better at boys and men being able to show their feelings but we’ve got a ways to go. When we are truly grateful, and deeply wish to register our feelings, we put it in writing. Many times, it’s the card not the gift that is most lasting and meaningful if it was written with sincerity and effort.
There will be many times in your boy’s lives that they will have opportunities to share their feelings or how they care for someone. Just signing a name to a card is hardly worth it because there’s no thought or effort put into it. Some parents sign their kid’s names. Why? It’s a missed opportunity no matter how young they are to open up, share, and clarify their feelings even if they draw it.
Often we abdicate to the women the buying of cards, writing them, mailing them, answering invitations, and writing thank you notes. It boils down to this; Never miss a chance to tell someone important in your life what they mean to you. Never.
When it comes to cards, sit with your boys and help them by asking questions about special times they’ve had with their Father and Grandfather or mention something they’ve done for them that they appreciate. They can also draw it.
Another technique is to write single words or phrases:
- You taught me soccer
- You took me to the hospital
- You worried about me when I was sick
- You made sure I got to school
- You took me on vacation
- You repaired my bike
Cards can be reread and kept and they carry the energy of the person who wrote it which then becomes very important when they’re no longer around.
When I first taught this lesson I wrote in huge letters on the blackboard… NO REGRETS! Help your kids to tell the people that are important to them what they mean to them.
What if your child is estranged from their father or grandfather or he is no longer alive? They can still write their feelings. They could also pick another man in their life who is important to them and send them a card like an uncle, or a coach, or a kind neighbor.
Please help your kids to choose their own cards to give or creating one. Help them to deliver or mail it. Please don’t do it for them. Go beyond simply signing a name. If they pay for the card or create it themselves, they’ve invested in showing their feelings and put effort into the gesture.
Living with regrets for not telling someone what they mean to you is an enormous life lesson they can be spared. Help them to express their feelings especially in writing and it will pay gigantic dividends for their future relationships and the quality of life they’ll have.
